FluxBlog

There’s a fun fact about me: I am an Aries Sun whose birthday is April 17th who has had 3 significant people in my life all with the same birthday: July 16th.

A best friend in my early twenties who I was so close that who everyone thought we were secretly dating… who I also a very intense (public) falling out with.

A romantic partner who I didn’t realize was manipulating me to get me to fit into his own life’s plan.

And a very dear friend who put me in her phone when I was 19 as “the Universe” and talked me out of taking a traditional biology course.

Those of you who know astro will know that Cancer Squares Aries - and the square is the friction-causing aspect of astrology that causes impasses that either help you evolve, create unnecessary conflict or in my case, a combination of both.

So for me, Cancer season can be hard. With no personal planets in water signs, I am often in waters that I don’t know how to swim in during this season of feelings…

Cancer Season: The archetype of the mother and child.

The feeling nature of Cancer has the genius of feeling when one wants to inhabit the archetype of the child or the parent…

Those of us who have been casually parenting everyone our entire lives (including our parents) will resist the vulnerability of needing to be held, and the willingness to hold others (as a consequence of never asking to be held ourselves…)

The funny thing is I hold space for everything for my work. Literally every single aspect of creation. But because of the concentration of that work in my professional life, I find that by the time I tend to my personal life, I have used all my holding muscles elsewhere - which causes me to draw relationships to me with a lot of distance… (hello I am an Aquarius rising…)

I Love Cancerian Magic & It Also Makes Me Squirm

I am surrounded by Cancer energy. I love the naturalness of a cancer’s intuition. To me, it comes from letting the waters of the body flow. Cancer, is also the sign of the crab, because cancer energy often walks sideways into a conflict, (although you will absolutely get pinched by a cancer who is feeling the need to protect themselves.)

To me Cancer Season brings up these questions:

What makes me feel secure? What allows me to make others feel secure?

How do I let myself be vulnerable so that others can find security in me?

How do I switch from the child to the parent, and use my psychic nature to go beyond always sensing the wound and instead more actively decide who I want to reflect and who I want to pour into?

How do I honor the genius of my ability to feel and shapeshift?

How do I navigate a world that does not honor what is always changing or feeling?

How do I stop using the word sensitive like it is an insult?

How do I remain sensitive and still feel welcome in the world?

How does my sensitivity become a way to open to what is open to me rather than shield myself from what I am uncertain of?

To me, this earth plane is one where we are primarily manipulated by emotional messaging, which causes us to fear the very sensation of experiencing any feeling at all…

This is why for me Cancer can sting: I am asked to stretch beyond what can be handled by the thinking mind, to step outside the assumption that anyone is asking me to fix or help them, and sit in the uncomfortable feeling that sometimes things hurt. Sometimes the people you love hurt and you hurt and you don’t feel safe. And sometimes this is the experience your heart wants you to have. Not the sort of malaise of depression but the aliveness of feeling how fragile and vulnerable it is to be incarnate.

To hold each other through the knowing we can’t change this.

To trust each other enough to ask to be held.

Knowing that as human beings, we don’t always know how to act when we don’t feel safe.

And trusting each other, somehow, despite the fact that we are learning how to express our wounds without wounding each other in real time.

Trust your tears.
Trust the mess.
Trust the times you need to go back in your shell.

You are precious no matter how much you can or can’t feel.

You are held by all of existence no matter how safe you feel asking to be held.

Know that your tears are your body making magic.

Love,
Xenia

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